Ongoing Battle

A teenager may never let out what they feel on a daily but this is what actually goes through their young nurturing mind.

Some days, I wake up extremely sad and puzzled but others I wake up like I’ve been granted a brand new life. I don’t understand why this happens to me. I don’t want this to happen to me. Why can’t I be happy once and for all? maybe forever?

Everyday is a locked up cage inside this adolescent body of mine, occurring rapidly throughout my days. Everything seems to be making me lose my sanity be it stuff I like or dislike or for the fact that I am to socialise with the ones toxic or the ones I dislike.

My whole life has basically turned into “i don’t”. ‘i don’t wanna eat’, ‘i don’t wanna go to school’, ‘i don’t wanna wake up no more.’ I hide my feelings just because I am scared of being judged for maybe being ‘different’?

All that is left is finding ways to seclude myself from the daily demons in my head making me lose my sanity. It feels right to be all alone and hand myself into the ‘safe’ arms of virtual reality. Crazy how I do that to divert my mind from my very own demonic thoughts.

When someone asks me “what’s wrong” I don’t necessarily know how to answer to that, so please don’t ask me because I don’t know if it is my changing body? The demons in my head? My insanity?

I know I behave horribly with some of you, I know I push you away. I might be saying some very rude things to you out of frustration, but no, I don’t intend to hurt your feelings. Deep down I want you to be there for me and understand what I’m going through and help me pull through it.

Who knew my life would take a turn from me being a happy go lucky child to now me oughting to be isolated to myself and the demons in my head. And with eager desperation I will say, ‘THAT OLD ME IS GONE’

today, I’m gonna open up my soul and scream to you, begging for you to stand by me... however rude, however annoying, or however dumb I act as you are who I need. My friends, my family, and all my other loved ones.

And I know, if you put your heart at it, just like the sea, you can show me the way, I know.